


The Noose (Joshler)

by LostNotFound



Category: Twenty One Pilots, Tyler Joseph - Fandom, josh dun - Fandom, joshler - Fandom
Genre: Based on a Twenty One Pilots Song, Best Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, joshler - Freeform, twenty one pilots - Freeform, tyler joseph and josh dun are best friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-13 01:09:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7956286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostNotFound/pseuds/LostNotFound
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The filming of a music video pushes Tyler into the darkest parts of his mind.<br/>Can Josh help lead him back towards the light?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Noose (Joshler)

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by the behind the scenes footage from the Holding On To You video. For those of you who have not seen it, there is a scene towards the end where Tyler is seemingly triggered by filming with a noose around his neck. There are those who would argue that he was just uncomfortable with having to hold his head up while laying on a platform, but i think it was obvious that Tyler had a very intense, emotional reaction to the noose, and he couldn't get it off fast enough. I decided to create a story around the idea of Tyler being pushed into the darker places of his mind by his anxiety while filming that day. And having Josh be the anchor he needed to get through.
> 
> This was hard to write, but i'm pretty proud of how it turned out.
> 
>  
> 
> Comments & kudos are appreciated. ;)

The Noose

Tyler Joseph had a headache.  
It was less than an hour into the shooting of his band’s first music video, and he wanted nothing more than to head back to the hotel, or better yet back home to Columbus. Sure, being in Los Angeles was cool, and he appreciated the fact that the record company believed in the band enough to put up money to film a video in the first place, but today was not a good day.  
He had felt uneasy since the record company had pitched the idea of doing a video several weeks ago. Tyler knew how to be a musician...how to be in a band. There might be only he and Josh in Twenty One Pilots, but not many people could touch them when they went onstage. That was where Tyler felt the most comfortable. What Tyler didn’t feel at all comfortable with, was with taking direction. With being told how to stand, how to move, how to perform. With having to act out someone else’s vision of one of his songs.  
He and Josh were sent the basic outline for the video, and the director, Jordan, had some interesting ideas. But there were certain things that Tyler was less than comfortable with. He could have put his foot down and insisted that he and Josh have more of a say in the what went into the video, but things had moved so quickly, and the record company wanted this done as soon as possible. The last thing Tyler wanted to do was to come across like a prima donna musician. So, he decided he would just suck it up and get through the day.  
But, his anxiety had grown the closer they got to filming.  
He had gotten almost no sleep the night before, even after the long flight in from Columbus.  
It was all frantic movement when they had first arrived at the studio. He and Josh met with the director, as well as the choreographer (Tyler was perplexed by the idea of having a bunch of professional dancers performing to one of his songs. But then a lot about this entire process had puzzled him), and then they had been whisked off to wardrobe and makeup. Josh seemed to be having a great time with the novelty of it all, but Tyler felt more uncomfortable than anything else. After all the initial running around, things had come to a grinding halt as cameras and equipment were being set up.  
Tyler didn’t know what to do with himself.  
He started pacing, as he attempted to keep his mind occupied by trying to work out a particularly difficult chord progression for a new song he had been working on. His hands tapped his legs, and he hummed to himself, trying to focus on the workings of a new song, instead of his environment.  
“You okay, man?”  
Tyler paused and looked over his shoulder, spotting Josh leaning against the doorway of the dressing room. Normally Tyler would have been embarrassed at being caught in one of his nervously awkward moments, but this was his best friend. And Josh had seen him in worse shape then this.  
Tyler continued his pacing. He reached up to run his hands through his hair out of habit, but stopped himself. So much time had already been spent to get it spiked up in just the right way, that he had no desire to have to go through all that again. He scratched the back of his neck, and then shoved his hands deep into his pockets.  
“Yeah. Yeah...i’m good. Just waiting, ya know?” Tyler said quietly.  
“This woman just spent 20 minutes trimming my beard, man. Isn’t that crazy?” Josh said, laughing.  
Tyler offered a small smile in return. He wished he could share in his friend’s enthusiasm.  
“Crazy.” Tyler responded.  
Josh crossed his arms over his chest and bit his lip.  
“I know this isn’t your idea of fun. A lot of waiting around and having someone else call the shots,” Josh said, serious now. “But, it will be good for the band, ya know?”  
“I know,” Tyler responded, “it’s just...weird for me. I don’t...i don’t write songs in terms of what I think will make a good single. I just tell stories and this is just….different.”  
“Yeah, I get that. But...sometimes a fresh perspective can be a good thing. And if the video can get more people to come to our shows, then it’s all good. Right?”  
Tyler nodded his head, his gaze still focused on the floor as he paced back forth across the dressing room.  
Josh pushed away from the doorway, and Tyler could feel his friends eyes on him for a few silent moments.  
“Hey Tyler?”  
He looked over, and Josh gave him a lazy smile.  
“You look hot in a bow tie.”  
He felt the heat rush to his face, as Josh left without waiting for a response.

|-/

“You need to focus on looking into the camera and singing the words, Tyler. Don’t pay attention to what’s going on around you.” Jordan, the director told him.  
That was easier said then done considering Tyler was currently surrounded by dancers with skeleton makeup on, as well as the crew….all of whom were closing in around him. He felt claustrophobic.  
“How many more times do we have to shoot this scene? Can’t we just move on to something else?” Tyler asked in between deep breaths.  
They had been filming the same scene for what felt like an hour, and he wanted it to be over. He needed a break.  
“We’re almost there,” Jordan replied, looking at the monitor, watching the footage. “Remember, relax and let it flow. You got this.”  
“I got this,” Tyler said to himself, rubbing his hands up and down along his legs. He closed his eyes briefly and reminded himself to breathe.  
“One more time, people. Action!” Jordan called out, and the playback track started up once again.  
Tyler focused his attention on the camera. The dancers swarmed, and their hands began to grab, push and pull at him

Entertain my faith…  
Entertain my faith…

His words became a mantra in his head as he tried to ignore what was going on in his brain. His head pounded, and he was no longer simply lip-synching to the playback, he was actually singing, almost shouting those words, using them as a tool to get through this.  
He felt the hands on his face, his shoulders.  
His face contorted and he blinked furiously to combat the growing panic.  
“Cut!”  
Tyler immediately retreated backwards, and the dancers seemingly sensing his need to get away, moved aside quickly and without protest. He turned away from everyone and ran his hands over his face.  
“Ty, that was great. You really stepped it up that time.” Jordan said, following him into a darkened corner and putting his hand on his shoulder. Tyler flinched at the contact, but Jordan didn’t seem to notice.  
“Loved the passion and conviction. I think we got what we need.”  
Tyler remained silent, and Jordan squeezed his shoulder before departing.

 

|-/

 

Tyler managed to calm himself down as the crew set everything up for a different shot. He had locked himself in his dressing room, not even opening the door when Josh had stopped by to check on him. He knew Josh had witnessed what had gone down since Tyler had seen him sitting on the floor next to his drum kit while they had been filming the scene. He just couldn’t face his friend right now.  
Some time later, Tyler felt up to venturing out of the dressing room and watching as Josh filmed. He was happily ensconced behind his drum kit and was wailing away with the joyful abandon that Tyler never grew tired of seeing first hand. He wished he could be more like him. Josh had his own issues with anxiety, but he seemed to manage them better than Tyler did. He seemed so much stronger. On days like this, where his demons seemed to be in full control, Tyler felt nothing more than weak.  
He wandered over to another section of the studio, where there seemed to be some activity. He watched the crew setting up, and noticed a couple of crew members opening up a large box. Tyler saw the contents and suddenly felt light headed.  
It was a noose.  
The rope seemed impossibly thick and intimidating. He glanced up and saw a crew member filming a behind the scenes package pointing his camera towards him, to get his reaction. He bit down on his top lip, balling his fists inside his pockets, doing his best not to look affected.  
But he was.  
He could feel himself slipping back into that head space. The one he let himself go to while writing the song. It wasn’t a happy place. 

 

|-/

 

“I know this isn’t going to be comfortable for you,” Jordan said, squatting in front of Tyler. “But, I really need you to try and hold the position as long as you can, okay?” He sounded as if he were speaking to a young child. Tyler was too uneasy to bristle at the other man’s tone. He was sitting on the end of a narrow platform, and for this, the final scene of the shoot, he was supposed to lay back, with his head hanging off the other end.  
“Focus on the camera. Just be your sick, twisted, charming self,” Jordan said smiling, before standing and moving away.  
Tyler felt slightly sick to his stomach, but just took a couple of deep breaths to try and push the feeling away. He looked around nervously, and spotted Josh watching off in the shadows to his right. They locked eyes, and Tyler tried to take strength from Josh. Knowing he wasn’t alone.  
The director had everyone take their places and Tyler lay back, trying his best not to let the fear show on his face.  
The first few shots went off without incident, and Tyler was beginning to think he might be able to get through the rest of this day without another meltdown.  
Until they brought out the noose.  
Tyler lay there frozen as a crew member slipped it over his head. Jordan yelled out instructions, telling him just to keep going, keep performing as the camera continued to zoom in and out of his face. He felt the rope around his neck like a vise, like a concrete block pressing down on his windpipe, and he began to suffocate. His eyes moved around franticly, and he gripped the sides of the platform as his vision began to blacken around the edges. He struggled to hold his head up, with no support behind it, the pain was increasing and he felt himself losing the battle with his panic. He was slipping...slipping back into a black and lonely place inside his mind.  
“Stop!”  
The word was like a switch in Tyler’s mind. He came back to the present, and reaching up, he yanked the noose from around his neck, and awkwardly sat up on the platform. Hunching over, he put his face in his hands, and began to shake. Through the gaps in his fingers, he saw a camera being shoved closer to his obscured face. Capturing his humiliation.  
“Back up! Get away from him.”  
Tyler recognized Josh’s voice and heard people scrambling around him. He rubbed franticly at his eyes, all too aware of the tears he so desperately tried to hide.  
A heavy silence settled over everything, as Tyler suddenly felt large hands gripping his knees.  
“Tyler, talk to me.” Josh said in a quiet voice.  
He took a shaky breath. “I’m okay. I’m okay.” his voice cracked, and sounded impossibly small to his own ears. He turned his face away from Josh, the embarrassment of looking so weak in front of him almost too much to handle.  
“Breathe with me, okay?” Josh said firmly, reaching up and putting a hand on the back of Tyler’s head, leaning in close, their foreheads touching. “Breathe.”  
Tyler took a long, deep breath and felt the knots inside his brain begin to loosen.  
The two men stayed that way for what could have been an hour, or could have been a few moments, just breathing together.  
“Look at me, let me see those eyes.” Josh encouraged. Tyler blinked a few times and then lifted his gaze to his friend’s. Josh rewarded him with a beautiful smile.  
“There you are.” Josh muttered, letting out an emotion filled, nervous laugh. “I thought I lost you for a minute.”  
Without thinking, Tyler reached up and put his hand on the side of Josh’s face, needing the contact. It helped ground him, helped him find his way back.  
The moment was impossibly gentle. Impossibly intimate.  
Something that had never happened before between the two friends who had already been through so much together. It was like in the last few minutes, they had opened a door that neither of them had even realized had been there.  
Neither man pulled away, nor did they acknowledge what had passed between them. They just accepted it.  
The moment was broken when Jordan approached and put his hand on Tyler’s back.  
“Let’s get you some water, and then we can finish things up, okay?”  
Before Tyler could respond, Josh got to his feet and faced the director.  
“I think you got what you need.” Josh said.  
“We need some different angles….” Jordan began, and Tyler watched Josh take a step closer to the other man.  
“Work your magic with what you already have, man. Because this is over.”  
Josh somehow managed to come across as both friendly and intimidating in that moment, and the director wisely backed down. Josh turned his focus back on Tyler and he offered him a genuine smile before reaching out his hand.  
“You ready?”  
Nodding, he allowed Josh to help him to his feet. Before anyone could try to stop them, Josh threw an arm over Tyler’s shoulder and led him from the studio.  
As they approached the car in the parking lot, they noticed their driver was nowhere to be found. Tyler watched as Josh sent out a quick text to let him know they were ready to leave. He was probably off having lunch with the rest of their crew, unaware of the drama that had just unfolded inside the studio.  
The two men climbed inside the SUV and silence settled over them. Tyler felt completely exhausted, and leaned his head back against the seat, turning his face to the window, gazing out at the trees beside the car. It wasn’t exactly a forest, but it looked peaceful and inviting. He had a sudden urge to get out of the car and wander off, losing himself in the trees. It would be silent and beautiful out there. So unlike how it was in his mind.  
“You sure you’re okay?”  
Tyler snapped out of his daydream and looked over at Josh who was watching him with concern.  
“Yeah. I’ll be fine.”  
Josh leaned towards him, and clasped his hands between his knees.  
“I’m sorry. I could have stopped things earlier”  
Tyler shook his head, “It’s my problem, man. I should have been able to deal with it.”  
“No,” Josh said, “the...the noose, was way too much. They didn’t have to be so literal,”  
Tyler felt his throat tighten, remembering the feeling of suffocation. He reached up and ran his hand through his hair, tugging on the ends, twisting the strands of hair in a nervous, habitual way.  
“It was just...” Tyler began,  
“Overwhelming.” Josh finished  
Tyler nodded, turning his gaze out towards the trees again.  
“I knew it would be hard, I just didn’t expect my head to take me back there. To make me feel so weak. To….to trigger all those old memories.”  
Tyler had never really spoken to Josh... or anyone else, about those dark places in his mind. Or the memories that fueled them.  
“Feeling that rope...” Tyler paused, taking a breath to calm his still frayed nerves. “It was like I was that scared, hopeless teenager again.”  
Josh was silent for a few moments. Tyler looked over at his friend and found him watching him intently. He saw concern in his eyes along with many other things.  
Tyler felt Josh’s hand close over his own on the seat between them. “Everything that we go through, it turns us into the people we end up being the rest of our lives,” Josh said slowly. “You...are anything but weak, Tyler. You’re strong. And you happen to be my favorite person.” Josh’s face reddened, and he smiled self consciously. “Well, my favorite person sitting in this car.”  
Tyler felt something twist inside his chest. His fingers intwined with Josh’s.  
“And you are my favorite person..sitting in this car.”  
They shared a smile, and for a few moments they were the only two people in the world.  
The sound of the driver’s side door opening brought them back to reality.  
“Sorry to keep you guys waiting.” Tom, the driver, said getting into the car and turning towards Tyler and Josh in the back seat.  
“These things usually go late into the night. Anyway, you want to go back to the hotel, or do some sightseeing?” Tom inquired.  
Tyler and Josh looked at each other, their fingers still linked and they shared a smile.  
“Tacos” they said in unison, and then dissolved into a fit of giggles. The driver looked on, a slightly puzzled expression on his face.  
And as the laughter took over, and the pain in his head dissipated, the blackness fell away from Tyler, and he began to make his way towards the light once again.


End file.
